i’ve never picture i will be so busy and so tired until i don even have the time.. or say have the mood to blog.. I din even do the routine resolution for this year.. such an awful months ahead.
I specially wanted to say something to you. Not through phone calls, not face to face, not through whatsapp. Because, i know it is useless already. What should be say had been said. We used to be best buddy. I used to and always believed that the not-so-confident you will someday also had your love ones and live a happy life. I also believe this day, although you always say you are not pretty enough, you are not good in shape enough, you are too lack of confident, you are too so-not attractive. But in my heart, i always believe that one day when we all grow up, you will find someone you loved and who love you.
Things have change, it might be because of you, not so exposing to the world before. You, always hiding behind our group of friends, you, not exposing enough to have male friends. A year or two back, you connected to a bunch of homosexual friends, connecting more and more… more and more until now, you have neglected your own normal life and just follow others. I am not racist or bias to homosexual, i love them as well, but… i would really hope you can find yourselves and live your own life as well.
You have change totally after the new friends. You would ditch us easily and opt for them. At first, we are just jealous, jealous of you not loving us anymore and only prioritize them. You, starting to neglect all the ones who cared about you for the past few years. You starting to pick up unhealthy habits. Most of us, because of jealousy, we are unhappy. Unhappy that we are actually so not important to you. Certain things, no… A lot of things.. no.. EVERYTHING… everything that you used to get excuses to reject us, you did it voluntary for them. We are jealous. No doubt. But we knew they are no future for you. You deeply believe that one day, you will realize and come back to us.
Years, you are getting even worst. Have you ever realize you have no future continuing your life like this? You had fallen in love with a guy that you know there is zero possibilities of being together. You knew it, he knew it.. but you just LOVE to bury yourself in them… giving excuses that you will leave them soon but instead, going deeper. A lot of us tried to rescue you being continuing this useless lifestyle. How many times do we quarrel and argue over your future.. We were honestly so heartbroken when what we say and explain to you is for your own good but those homo friends of yours, they told you don worry, just follow your heart. Have fun and be happy. AND that you call them your best friend that understand you the most.
You have no idea how hurt is it. We started to give up on you. Painfully. Not because i dont love you, its because you ditch us in a category of friends who force you and make you stress. After so long we have known each other, all the things we said we thought you will understand its for your own good. But in the end what we got is a ditch and hatred. You choose to live the lifestyle of them. I wanted you to open your eyes, see and think properly. Look and compared. Comparison between people is a no good. But be realistic, this world is full of cruelty. Success and Failure. It is a big thing. Compared these groups of ladies (US) who you have been with for more than 10 years to those new friends of yours whom you had been with having lotsa fun for the past two years. We, the ladies had move forward, much more forward, we all improve ourselves, have a planned life, your payroll increases every year, brighter future ahead. I am not saying we are the best, but at least we improved year by year. You can just pick one and analyze. Like say Da jie, although she is not a degree holder, she is earning what she spend, enough savings to go travel and know what she have to spend with in her life. A stable career, a stable boyfriend. Marriage is ahead. CS, changing for a better job, secured income, aiming for her master in a year time. Loving boyfriend and well planned future. GB, no cert, nothing, but earning big money to feed herself and the family. Go around the world, a stable boyfriend and a bright future ahead. LM, graduated, looking for a job, knowing what she wanted to do and happy with her love live. NOW, compared to your new friends, 27 or 28 years old still working as a sales in a small shop. Greater of shock, 40 years ago who don even have a savings after so long of working. Dont even have RM200 in the bank. Most of it, enjoying their fantasy world. Honestly, they can do that, because that is what they want and they do not have anything to worry about. BUT YOU CANT. You compare yourself, what kind of life do you want to have. I am not looking down on them. They are good. But they are not suitable for you, if you keep complaining that you have no money and still not working hard for that.
If i asked you to take out RM 200 immediately now. You cant. Do you want to live your life like tat forever? I just want you to think properly. Be realistic and get back to the reality. I am nobody to say you, but at least i am proud to say i live a normal life and progressing.
Last week, after so many months not contacting. Your attitude towards us is getting worst. We are sad and disappointed but had slowly losing hope in you. We start to care less because you never appreciated. We do not want to yell at you or discuss with you about this anymore. Because everything we said, to you, is always bullshit and stress. What stress do you have actually? not enough money? You can have money, but you choose to forgo everything to stick with your lazy lifestyle. Don deny. You are always in denial. Always.
For the first time after what i see you have treated us, for the first time, i felt cold inside my heart. For the first time, i see no future in you. For the first time, i felt heartbroken why we are not important enough to change you. For the first time, i hope what i was thinking now would not came true.
When you are finally ready to face the reality, willingly or being forced, i hope we are still able and willing to be by your side. I hope that day came sooner, my friend. You deserve to have chosen a better life to live in.