Judgemental

It has been a horrible one week for me to begin with September. And it will be even worse next week. I hope October will be gentle to me. Things always gets better they said. 🙂

Today’s post gonna be fussy. Thought it over and over for the past two weeks. Holding back a lot of words which i can easily burst out spontaneously but i chose to think twice and restructure all the sentence before i click the post”.

One of the reason is because i have someone to talk to too. Burst out once normally helps to hold a lot of angry and disappointing statements in the post. Now my post will be much more gentle. :) Nevertheless, thank you ssf for being my supporting ears. I hope the mutual trust between us can remain as beautiful as it is now.

I chose the word Judgmental, as i think it portrays the people around me and me myself as well. I realize how words kill, to be honest, i am very ignorant of how people talk behind and how people judge others.. for all these while. Even if people come and tell me how i should do how i should act, i remain and happy with my ignorance. I dont give a damn on people’s shit. Whatever they think, whatever they like to say, Go ahead. You have nothing better to do.

However, my perception start to change these two weeks. Mainly because, words kill. It kills you slowly, im half dead anyway. Hehe! Betrayal and back stabbings from friends, i knew and accept it long ago, but it hurts when it comes to people that you care. Or people that YOU THINK they knew you and they wont do that. The least, YOU THINK they will defense you and believe in you because they have knew you for so long. The truth is always ugly. There is always a devil that want to grab away the little faith left in you. Most of the time, the one who betray or hurt you is the one who you think they have the least possibility.

I dont blame anyone for this. Firstly, i think its because i portray myself as a very playful and hyper all the time lady. Happy go lucky and i get crazy jumping around all the time. MIND yourself, it doesnt mean that you all can judge me based on my outlook or how i behave and spread around. Do you even know me? or you just knew me by :” (1) oh.. i always see her around there, so crazy one lei.. (2) Oh… she is a friend of who who who.. i heard hor.. (3) Oh this girl, i duno her lei.. but my friend always see her blah blah blah (4) aiyo.. i think hor…. .” I cant presume you fucktards are too free in your own life and has nothing better to do but to analyze strangers and gossiping around. Mind your own business. IF you dont know me well, i would be appreciated if you could shut your fuck up.

Dont blame others. I know. Thats why, i am thinking maybe i should keep myself at home from today onwards. To shut their mouths of coz. Good for me and good for them. I am starting to delete friends from Facebook as well. Those friends that i personally not close with, im sorry i will have to delete you. Its merely because i am still angry with you all. YES i am. I am always a human.. do not expect me to be super divine. My little devils inside me tells me i should get rid of all you the bad mouths one!

And for the friends that i treasure a lot, im very disappointed when i knew you chose to believe what other people say without even try to confront with me. Dont i deserve to be treated at least a fair chance before judging? Why cant you come and ask me yourself before you even conclude or believe. It is hurtful. And i know one day you will regret listening or believing to those bullshits because, the clean ones always will be clean.

What i can do for myself for now, Do it for the sake of your mouth. I’ll keep myself away from you all. 🙂

But of coz, theres also those who stood firm behind me. I love You ALL <3<3